my funny dog

sick dog

Say what I will about my parents, they take care of me. There are things I can’t do, daily nonfunctional like cooking or cleaning or just getting out and buying food or shopping. I give them some money from my disability check each month. Maybe that is part of the balance. They were in large part responsible for the behaviors and poor coping skills I developed in my childhood that are symptoms of my Axis II diagnosis. And now they have to deal with the consequences too of bad parenting. That doesn’t mean they are bad people. I think they appreciate me more than they did in the past. Anyway, my dog is sick again. I need to get out of bed. I slept late, woke up late. And I’m kinda hungry.

trauma

So, my therapist and I were talking about much better I’ve gotten. How before I would always talk about how my parents were upsetting me and now I don’t complain about them, and we talked about how I didn’t have trauma in my childhood. And I said, It was traumatic. And I had a lot of drama in my life. I haven’t forgotten how I felt when I was a kid, how terrorized I felt, because I thought my parents were hurtful and emotionally abusive. To me, even though they weren’t physically abusive, they were still pretty awful. Recently, when I was working on some scenes in the novel, I remembered some of that. I could write a book about my life and it would probably be really interesting to some people who have gone through the same stuff, but it is hard to process and write about and find a way to make it through the day. So, I choose not to. Anyway, maybe my parents are nice now, but that doesn’t change my experience. They don’t give me as much to complain about anymore. So, that’s one reason I don’t talk about them as much in therapy. But if they did treat me the way they did before I got disabled, I’m pretty sure I’d still be complaining about them and probably not very emotionally stable.