issues

So, the pictures came back from my parents’ wedding anniversary last November, and they made me cry because I’m so overweight and I feel unable to correct this problem. All I want to do is finish my novel before I die, because I think that I really have nothing else important to do with my life. Except watch American Idol. Right. I know this is really stupid and depressing and most of the time I don’t think about the stuff that really bothers me or even talk about it in therapy, which is really dumb because if I’m not talking in therapy than I’m wasting my money, even though my therapist does give me a discount because Medicare won’t pay. Anyway, I have cut back on therapy from once a week to every other week. I think I am more tired and depressed than I have been in 6 months, since I started writing the novel in fact. This sucks, because I think that I’m really starting to write well, and I want to keep going and get it done.

Glee made me cry tonight too (Rachel and Finn’s song). I didn’t have any expectations for the MJ episode, but I was really surprised that they did that duet. I didn’t think Finn could pull it off. Santana was pretty amazing. And New Girl made me laugh. I love how the characters in that show are all so quirky.

accountability

The problem with starting an anonymous new blog is that I don’t feel accountable to anyone except myself, and as long as I don’t link it to my real identity, I don’t have to worry about embarrassing myself. This is so wrong.

linearity

I want to tell the novel as linearly as possible. I only want to include flashbacks not to narrate an event but to dramatize a character’s emotions. I hate when I lapse into stream of consciousness type narration, because I want to tell the story as straight forward as possible, and I don’t want to keep circling back to the present moment. For one thing, it’s too hard to write the transitioning paragraph because I want paragraphs to flow into each other.

I also don’t want to explain breaks in time by heading the chapter with the date and place. I want everything to be taken from context, including foreign or non-English words. It is so irritating having to define a word for English readers. I feel like I have to cater to the audience sometimes. It makes me work harder and be creative, because I don’t want to slow down the plot. And of course, the easiest way to not explain a thing is to show it.

fresh

As a bipolar, I don’t think I’ll ever run out of ideas. I’ll always have something to write about. I’ll always have weird meandering thoughts, and I’ll always want to express them. The problem with being bipolar is that sometimes I won’t have the energy to express them, or I’ll have too much energy that I can’t control my thoughts and thus won’t be able to express them coherently or concisely.

As a writer, I’m constantly thinking about my novel. Where I want my characters to go, what I want them to do next, how to interpret their emotions, how to move the plot along, because my weakness is always plot. So, I have a bunch of ideas, and I’m always trying to generate ideas, so I can figure out how to move forward.

therapy works

Saw my therapist today. Hadn’t seen him in three weeks. Apparently, I’m not the only person who doesn’t read Stephen King. I feel better. So, therapy does help. LOL.

adjectives

I found my copy of Norman Mailer’s The Naked and the Dead. I like this book and may even reread it, if I have the time and I’m not playing a video game instead of writing.

Anyway, for the 50th anniversary edition of TNatD, the author critiques his own work and describes it as amateurish because he wrote it when he was 23-24, and he said it was written in a bestseller style, because it did become a huge bestseller, and that it was sloppy in some parts.

There was hardly a noun in any sentence that was not holding hands with the nearest and most commonly available adjective–’scalding’ coffee and ‘tremulous’ fear… [because]… Over-certified adjectives are the mark of most bestseller writing.

not reading stephen king

I started reading the sample on Amazon of 11/22/63, and I couldn’t get the 1st sentence in the 3rd paragraph:

“I have never seen you shed tears,” she said, speaking the flat tones people use when they are expressing the absolute final deal-breaker in a relationship.

I feel stupid. Now, I am trying to remember what that flat tone sounds like, and if anyone spoke to me in such a final deal-breaking way. And do all people use that tone when they express an absolute final deal-breaker?

conflict

Last night, I watched a new episode of Fringe, and felt like all was well in the universe again. LOL. I love Fringe, and hope it gets renewed for next season. But I don’t have too much faith in the American public, which doesn’t in general accept the weird stuff.

So, on the flip side of bipolar, I had a good day. The writing went well. Finished an arc in J’s story. Finally closed out the chapter. Now, I have to do more research and think about the next arc in his story. I’m going to use some stuff I’ve already drafted but reframe it, so that the tone and style are consistent, and the narrator sounds the same.

No new conflict to blog about, just wanted to say that being bipolar isn’t only about being crazy sick, weird and maladjusted. Sometimes, things are alright, too. Wish it could always be this way, and the only conflict in my life is in the fiction I write.

intro to sci-fi fantasy

Okay, so I was tweeted about an article on sfsignal.com asking a few sci-fi fantasy authors the following question:

Where, when and how were you introduced to Fantasy and Science Fiction?

Just for fun, here’s what I would say (not really) if I, future bestselling author, were interviewed:

La Maddalena, Italy. A very small island off the northern coast of Sardinia, where my father was stationed on the USS Orion. It was around 1982-83. We did not have a telephone or cable TV, and all the channels were in Italian. In fact, I didn’t even know what cable TV or MTV was until I was in 8th grade, because after we left San Diego, CA, in 1981, I didn’t set foot back in the U.S. until 1989.

the day after my 38th birthday

I think I’m having symptoms. I didn’t play the Star Wars MMO today. I didn’t even make it to 1,000 words in the current revision of my manuscript. My lack of productivity has actually been going on for nearly a week. For a few reasons. Primarily, it’s a different story, and I’m choosing a different way to tell it. But also, because I think I’m freaking depressed. I’ve also been drinking a lot of coffee. Maybe my Lithium levels are off. Idk. But I’ve been having mood swings, and I haven’t felt like staying up all night to write my novel, or novella, or whatever it is. The manuscript.